grabe!!! i can't believe that i just turned 21... hmmm... i wonder what kind of challenges I'll be getting on my way to womanhood... i was once primitive, crude, canny and a little more than the apes... INNOCENT as we put it best, only KNOWING what is ought to be done and not to be done, but as time flies by so fast, I had learned and developed ideas... IDEAS that are not only to be thought of but also to be seen and experienced; CONFLICTS that i have to go through day by day either at school, at home or at work; and embracing of beliefs... BELIEFS that are carefully cultivated in my heart and mind then later on bloomed, resulting to the acquisition of strong faith and pride. hmmm... i can't really say that i'm ready to face another year of hardships. i know it would be long before I attain the security and peace of mind that I've always been wanting. to be honest, I'm still scared. Nothing has change. Actually, i feel more scared now that i could be on my own. i don't know. i just feel so naked and weaponless. In my generation, one could say, I've evolved in a better creature and was taught of using God's precious gifts for the prosperity of my race.

Now that I have known and grown too much of this world, I can't help but say that those people whom I have given my trust were the people who I least expected to ruin my life. Funny huh?!? Instead of reminiscing happy thoughts, all I could think about now is how much scars and how deep are the wounds that these people had left me. That's why you guys must not even wonder why I have become to somebody who had tried to forget the meaning of SHARING and GIVING. All of my life, I kept every pains and every single tear to myself. HATRED had been planted and reaped. I have given my everything without expecting anything in return but as I turned 21 today, I sit here and think... is it worth to trust anybody? Is it worth to give everything even if I know that it's making the other party worse? Is it worth to keep my silence? I don't know... as I look back, I have been going through a long process of metamorphoses, CHANGES that I can't handle, all at one time.

Moving here to America is still a shock for me. Having to work for my needs and others' is toally brand new to me. Postponing school and taking work seriously has been my main thing here in US and being beautiful! hehe! just kidding! Anyway, somehow I do feel like I'm a goddess of some sort because people loves to talk about me. Particularly at work. They love to link me with guys whom I don't even consider to be the apple of my eye. Well, what could I say? I'm proud? In fact I am... I do hate to be bug by people whom I could most likely compare to bees 'coz they can't shut their big mouths even the guys but they don't know that I'm actually laughing inside. I know that they were just trying to make up stories about me and find flaws so they could divert the attention to me from them. People... you will not bring me down using your old tactics. People think I'm this and I'm that but compared to you guys who talk, you're doing the worst things. I'm just having the time of my life, is that a crime? I'm young and pretty much single, no wonder I'm prone to be the topic of unending rumors. But, you guys who are too old to break the rules don't have the right to teach me what is right and wrong because first of all you guys are not perfect, second, you do what you say in the stories you made up about me, third, you guys have families yet you play around because they couldn't see you. I can imagine the look in your face if your daughter or sons find out what have you been up to... hahaha! So gays and guys, thank you for making me the center of your world. You guys are my biggest fans. (",)

PLANS. as i've always tried, i never plan things to happen. Things will be at their worst or best if i just let the day go. I do love to put things in schedule but isn't it great if the most unexpected yet exciting thing comes to me in a blink of an eye? (",) hayyy!!!! My thoughts are not as organized as it may seem too anyway. hehe! the only thing I'm very sure of is to take responsibilty for my new office in the Church. I was just elected as a finance officer (f13) and assistant locale auditor. I've also been consistent in practicing for the choir. at this moment, i think, a twinge has given me some better insights of myself. I know, i'll have lots of quandary but with His help, I know, I'll survive all of these. I have survived 21years of my life, isn't it? haha! gosh! i'm so old now yet still young at heart. (",)